just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
