Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's never too late to be topless.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
