You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
