If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
