u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
