i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
