question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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