haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
