did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
