Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
