shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
