Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
