I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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