Already got asked if we're dating
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
