That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
