like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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