There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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