apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So many bounce houses so little time
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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