What did we do last night that was yellow?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
