well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
