why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
