Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
