Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
