I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
