I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
