I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Damn victory sex feels great
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
