i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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