i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
