If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
