Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
