Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
