We're like a lot better than the average bears
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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