i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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