Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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