He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
