I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
