There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
