I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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