I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
