I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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