I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
