that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
