'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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