How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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