real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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