Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
