So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I love you. Go after that dick
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
