having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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