My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
