Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
