I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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