This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I believe in your delicious
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
